Looking for a surrogate

Introduction

If you, as prospective parents, are considering surrogacy, these may be your first questions:

• How do I go about looking for a surrogate?
• How can I find an egg donor?

It's important to begin by gathering information about surrogacy. Ask yourself the question: Is building a family with a surrogate's assistance the right choice for us?

If the answer to the above question is yes, we will tell you more about finding a surrogate mother on this page. To find an egg donor, we refer you to donorconceptie.nl.

Looking for a surrogate in the Netherlands

At the current time, it is prohibited to make a public appeal for a surrogate in the Netherlands. It's also prohibited to mediate finding a surrogate.   

What you are permitted to do is to share your story. Let family and friends know what you're looking for. You can tell them that you want to have children and that you're looking for a surrogate and/or egg donor to help you. 

Many people find surrogates in their immediate circles or via word of mouth. Sometimes prospective parents share their story on social media or in a newspaper. When people know what you are after, someone may turn up who is willing to explore surrogacy further with you.

Looking for a surrogate abroad

Some people opt for surrogacy abroad (in Dutch), where mediation is allowed. This has the drawback of making it difficult for both you and your (future) child to forge a bond with the surrogate. Furthermore, you want to ensure that the interests of the surrogate (and any egg donor) are properly protected. This is sometimes harder to ensure abroad.

Getting to know each other

When you, as prospective parents, find a possible surrogate, it's important to get to know one another really well. You are going to engage in an intense and special process. To achieve this, you need to have a good understanding of each other's outlook on life, how you handle different matters, and how to maintain good communication. Take time to get to know each other properly before you embark upon the surrogacy process. 

Tools have been developed that can help you get to know each other better and start a conversation about surrogacy.

Asking for advice

It's always a good idea to talk to a professional counsellor specialised in surrogacy. Even if the surrogate is someone you already know. You can do this on your own as prospective parents when you start exploring surrogacy. Or jointly with the surrogate during the preparatory phase before the pregnancy and for finalizing the agreements. But it can also be helpful, during the surrogacy process or afterwards, to talk to a third party who thinks along with you and can ask questions that hadn't even crossed your mind.